The big dirty

Now this sounds like something straight out of the Trailer Park Boys. Good thing these boys are in the right town. Auditions for next season are probably happening soon.

A search for a man suspected of trying to steal money from a parking meter ended with a cellphone ring, Halifax police say...

Officers spotted one suspect right away and arrested him. They found the second suspect in a garbage bin by following the ring of a cellphone.

US Postal Service Star Wars stamp

The United States Postal Service will be issuing a Star Wars stamp this year, in honour of the 30th anniversary of the first Star Wars film (aka Episode IV).

You can vote online for your favourite design.

I think the stormtroopers should win. Isn't there something kind of appropriate right now about a stamp featuring these guys?

Loyal to the Emperor, stormtroopers maintain order and instill fear throughout the Empire. From scalding desert to snow-swept plains, they are trained to serve in many different environments.

Hockey Playoffs

Yeah sure, there's a tight playoff race in the NHL's Eastern Conference. But how about that race for first as the Halifax Table Hockey League goes into the final week of the season? And it looks like Liam Smedley will win the father-son regular-season challenge, unless he completely blows it on the last weekend of the season and his father Garth comes on strong.

Beer ads and hockey? Boring. Still the best beer ad yet? Possibly:

Huh?

André Boisclair leads the PQ to a disastrous showing. In the days before the election, various polls and seat projections had the party in the 40s or low 50s in terms of seats.

The PQ came third, with 36 seats.

The Globe and Mail's take on Boisclair?

After a slow start, his campaign picked up steam and, in the end, he surpassed all expectations.

Where's the smackdown?

I enjoy a good dust-up (as long as I'm not part of it). So when Paul Wells suggested that Andy Riga couldn't read poll numbers, I rubbed my hands. Surely a spirited response from Andy would ensue.

Well, I guess Andy was too busy actually covering the election. And he's a nice guy to boot. So instead of ripping into Wells, he shows the numbers and leaves the decision-making up to the readers.

And Wells? His response is to note that "Andy Riga responds."

Neither one should audition for a role on the Howard Stern show any time soon. I'm one to talk. I probably would have worked an apology in there somewhere.

Ways I am glad my tax dollars are being spent

(This post has been updated.)

Via Rail spent years fighting to not make its trains accessible to people in wheelchairs.

Because adapting the trains would be too expensive.

Via lost. Now they've spent oodles on the fight and they still have to do the right thing and make the trains accessible.

Note to people in wheelchairs: I'm glad you won, but let me tell you, you haven't been missing much until now. The train is uncomfortable, more expensive, and slower than flying. Yep, it really does have everything going for it.

And those Renaissance cars? They're the worst.

Bye Bye Promo Girl

CBC's Promo Girl is gone.

I didn't mind her voice at first, though it did grate after a while (too much exposure!). Promo guy won't likely be an improvement unless they give him some better writing to work with.

Query letters: How not to do it

Because I'm still listed online in a number of places as the editor of Canadian Screenwriter magazine, I occasionally get query letters for the magazine.

I also get all kinds of junk, quite a bit of it ridiculous: media releases from York University about relevant topics like subway expansion, lots of releases and announcements about events in Toronto and LA, and -- more and more -- links to YouTube videos and releases from companies offering their services in producing YouTube videos (including one in Russia).

Today, I got a query letter (my name misspelled) about whiteboy r&b singer Jon B.

The query is for an already-written article -- usually a no-no, especially for a 3,000-word feature that would take up a lot of real estate in any magazine. There's no slant, no angle targeted specifically at the magazine. (How could there be? It's Canadian Screenwriter, remember? Either that, or this person is emailing random people with her story pitch.)

And what about the writer? She's been a reporter for "several publications" including "a national, weekly financial trade magazine." This month, she will be interviewing "the director of an independent film."

Anyway, if you're interested in publishing a feature called "Father-to-be R&B Crooner Jon B preps Back to Love CD" let me know and I can put you in touch with the writer.

Now watch this thing wind up on the cover of some mag and make me look dumb.

Looking for a primer on how to write good query letters? Paul Lima's got a good one here.

Black Sabbath / Heaven and Hell

I love this story. It has so much that is Spinal Tap to it.

Black Sabbath are touring with Ronnie James Dio as their singer (back together after two previous bitter breakups -- and before going on tour with Ozzy as the singer this summer). But the band can't call itself Black Sabbath, so they're billed as Heaven and Hell.

But Dio's not sure who has ultimate control of the Sabbath name. "I have no idea," says the five-foot-four singer with the colossal voice. "That seems to have been a point of contention for a long time. Who owns the name? Is it Sharon? Is it Ozzy? Is it Tony Iommi (guitarist for both Black Sabbath and Heaven & Hell)? I would think if Tony owned the name, we would be calling ourselves Black Sabbath, so maybe he doesn't."

...

"When they proposed (the band name Heaven & Hell), my initial reaction was, and still is, 'Well they're gonna call us f---in' Black Sabbath anyway, aren't they? You can call as the Boys in the Shed if you want to. It doesn't matter to me."'

Dio, the story says, returned to Sabbath at their lowest point and helped to revitalize the band.

I'm not sure which was their lowest point -- there have been so many. For personal reasons, my nomination has to go to the Tony Martin era. I saw the band with him on vocals in Germany in the late 1980s. The crowd worshipped Tony the guitarist and threw things at Tony the singer.

2014: Not here

When I posted about Halifax's Commonwealth Games bid being more or less dead last week, I was thinking that I would look pretty foolish if we wound up with the games.

I certainly never expected that come March 8 the bid would be really and truly dead, with both the provincial and municipal governments retracting their support.

I am relieved. Maybe it's partly because I grew up in Montreal during the Olympics era, and remember gathering around the TV as my parents and relatives waited for the Olympic Lotto results to come in. All that money was going to pay for the Games. Instead, the stadium was never even completed to its specs.

The local bid committee is sure to be passing around the blame, but really they need to take a long and hard look at their own ineptitude. Last week committee head Scott Logan was saying people would support the bid if they had more information. So give them more information Scott!

Yesterday, the politicians got more information -- a total cost of $1.7 billion. It was too much.

I was interested in this paragraph from the bid committee's statement, posted on its website.

CGC and the Bid Committee have been working diligently to respond to initial feedback on preliminary Games budget information from their government partners since February, providing options that reduced the budget (inflation in) from $1.6b, to $1.3b, and yesterday indicating a strong confidence in continuing this process to present a bid based on the available $1b of funding from its partners.

This is interesting. For months, we've been told that the games would cost $750 million -- no, $785 million. The $1.7 billion was a complete shocker. But, according to this, they were ready to come down to $1.3 billion. Great. Only that ignores the fact that this is still half a billion dollars more than what we were recently told the games would cost.

To me, that pretty much says it all in terms of this organization's approach to being straight with the citizens.

Department of Personal Stupidity

Clip and save this handy guide to weekend fun!

1) Play a game of capture the flag with a bunch of speedy little 7-10-year-olds on a slippery field covered in snow and mud.

2) Ignore the subsequent pain in your knee.

3) Go out dancing that evening.

4) Wake up in the morning unable to bend your knee.

5) Spend the day at the local hospital's emergency room.

What do school busses and hockey games have in common?

Apparently, if you're a kid, and you get beaten up on a school bus, the people responsible for your safety don't think it's assault.

From CBC Nova Scotia:

The RCMP are investigating an allegation of an attack against a 14-year-old boy on a school bus near Bridgewater earlier this week.

The parents of the boy say he was badly bruised during the incident Monday afternoon, and that no one did anything to intervene during the assault by another student.

RCMP in Lunenburg County confirm they are investigating an assault complaint.

The South Shore Regional School Board is not calling what happened Monday afternoon an assault.

Supt. Nancy Pynch-Worthylake told the Halifax Chronicle Herald the principal of Hebbville Academy is doing his own investigation and will decide whether discipline is warranted.

Best FAQ?

Zakk Wylde of Black Label Society has a great "Did you know?" section on his band's site.

My favourite item:

Did you know...

The reason that Zakk does not like Fred Durst is not because of a personal feud, but just simply because Fred puts out shitty music?